


The Price of Lives

by schneefink



Category: Sorcery of Thorns - Margaret Rogerson
Genre: Gen, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:55:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22001314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schneefink/pseuds/schneefink
Summary: "No," Silas said. "Don't bring me back."
Comments: 6
Kudos: 57
Collections: Hurt/Comfort Bingo - Round 10





	The Price of Lives

**Author's Note:**

> For my h/c-bingo square "resurrection."

"No," Silas said. "Don't bring me back."

"What?" Nathaniel asked. His face was still full of relief and joy. "Of course I'll…"

"No." Silas was smiling faintly. Elisabeth thought it looked wistful.

"Why not?" she asked.

Silas raised an eyebrow. "Look at me."

"I am," Nathaniel said. "You're Silas."

But Elisabeth was starting to guess what Silas meant. She swallowed. When Silas had appeared she'd thought he looked more human than the last time. What she most remembered from that first summoning ceremony was the hunger in Silariathas' face; now it was Silas, his very name proof that he'd changed, and he was looking at them and smiling. But if possible, he looked even thinner than last time. It made sense: it had been years since Silas' last meal, and the fight against the Archon must have cost him a lot of energy. And that meant…

"Yes," Silas said, "I am," and he was still smiling. Elisabeth had seen him smile before, but never like this. Before it had always seemed like a fleeting thing, barely a surface emotion. Now it looked more like a genuine expression of happiness.

It was startling. Silas' underlying self-hatred, the belief that he was evil, had always been there, once Elisabeth had known to look for it. Silas had never trusted himself, had always believed that given the chance he'd give in to his demonic instincts and kill his master, who he'd come to care for, and considered himself unworthy of affection. Now that he'd been free and had defended and saved Nathaniel and her, instead of devouring them as he easily could have done, now that he'd proven his loyalty to his human friends by defying the Archon, the reason to hate himself was gone. Elisabeth found herself looking forward to finding out what kind of person he could be without it.

But for that, Silas needed to come back first, and for that…

Nathaniel still looked uncomprehending, and Silas sighed. "I'm hungry, master," he said.

"I know."

"No," Silas corrected him, "you don't." For a fraction of a second, it was like a glamor receded from his face and revealed a hungry skull, sharp teeth bared – then his face was back to normal.

Nathaniel flinched for just a moment. "How many years?" he asked. He looked determined.

Elisabeth was afraid to hear the answer. How many years would Nathaniel be willing to sacrifice? How many was she willing to give? She wanted Silas back, of course she did, but she also wanted a life, a life together with Nathaniel. She knew Nathaniel wanted that too. But Silas was his oldest friend, had practically raised him. Would Nathaniel be able to live with himself if he refused to pay the price?

"Too many," Silas said simply.

"That's for me to judge."

"No. I decide whether to take a deal or not."

"I thought you'd want to come back." Nathaniel's voice was wavering.

"I do," Silas said gently. "But not for that price."

"Tell me! I could… or…"

Nathaniel didn't once look in her direction. She knew that he would never ask, and that gave Elisabeth the courage to say, "There's two of us, after all."

Nathaniel gave her a look of such open gratitude that she didn't even regret it.

But Silas shook his head. "It's not enough."

"Tell me," Nathaniel pled again. "How many years? Forty? Fifty? I could still…"

"You should have learned from your father that the price for bringing people back can be too high," Silas said.

Nathaniel paled and fell silent at that, his hands curling into fists.

"I would be a poor friend if I allowed you to sacrifice your life for my sake," Silas said softly.

"But it's fine when you do it," Nathaniel murmured.

Silas smiled and didn't reply. Elisabeth thought he almost looked proud.

"If you need that much life-force… nobody else will be willing to give you that," she said. "So you'll be stuck forever."

"I'll heal, eventually," Silas said.

Nathaniel immediately raised his head. "When?"

Silas shrugged. "Impossible to say."

"Then I'll summon you again next year," Nathaniel said determinedly. "Maybe you'll have healed enough by then. And if not then, then the next year. I'll try every year."

Silas' eyes widened. Elisabeth wondered how he could possibly be surprised by Nathaniel's stubbornness.

"It could be decades, master. You need to move on."

"I don't." Nathaniel shook his head. "I'll wait for you as long as it takes."

"Nathaniel," Silas said softly. His hand twitched as if he wanted to reach out. "I'm truly grateful for your loyalty. But I don't want you to put your life on hold waiting for me."

"I won't. Elisabeth won't let me," Nathaniel said with a brief smile. "But I'll summon you again, until you're well again. To talk, if nothing else."

Silas' expression softened. After a pause, he sighed. "Very well."

"All right," Nathaniel said, exhaling in relief.

It seemed strange to Elisabeth. Highborn demons only fed on humans' life-force, so how could he heal without it? But she wasn't an expert on demons. Maybe they did recover on their own, slowly.

And if not, and if Silas was only lying to Nathaniel to make him feel better… At least it meant that they'd see each other again. If that was all they were going to get, it would have to be enough.


End file.
